Have you ever suspected that your husband or boyfriend might be a narcissist? Maybe you’re not sure because of that surprise party he threw you for your birthday two years ago. Or, what about that time he sent roses to your job just because? Someone with a personality disorder rooted in self-absorption couldn’t possibly think to do such nice things…could they?
Think again. The narcissist’s “sweetness” comes at an expensive price that you’ll pay with your sanity. Check out these 3 telltale signs that despite the “sweet” things he does, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
You feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.
The narcissist is NEVER truly happy with anything—including you. They may go along with the happy facade for a while to appease you, but eventually, something will be wrong. It always is. Here’s the sequence that I went through with my narcissistic ex-husband:
“Quit your job and pursue your dream of writing. I love you and I will support you.”
“You don’t contribute enough around here. I go to work and work hard, and you write all day.”
“Sure, the cooking 3 meals a day is nice. It’s kind of you to do my laundry too. But, the dishes in the sink weren’t done today. You don’t appreciate anything that I do for this household.”
You get the gist… You may not be going through the exact same scenario, but chances are, you’ve felt the same feelings of inadequacy when your narc expressed that your good enough simply wasn’t good enough.
He blames you…for everything…repeatedly
The fact that he got some girl’s phone number? Your fault. You shouldn’t have been such a negligent spouse by ignoring him. You made him feel abandoned, so he had no choice. He has needs too that you just seem to always ignore. Why can’t you understand that? You’re selfish…that’s why. A selfish person with no regard for his feelings. Things have to change because he can’t go on with you continuing to blame him for being human and having needs.
See what happened there? By the time you finished that “convo,” you were to blame for his shady actions. Narcissists have the uncanny ability to turn situations around so that they appear to be the victim.
You feel a sense of emptiness or depletion in your relationship
The narc is definitely a taker instead of a giver. You may find that you give and give in your relationship only to feel unfulfilled, blamed, and kind of freaking empty. Even when the narcissist does give, it’s with the intention of receiving something in return.
Unless you put a stop to this behavior, you can almost always count on the narcissist to use these tactics to manipulate and devalue you.
Have you noticed any of these tactics being used in your past relationships with narcissists? Comment and let me know!